Okay..can I please say....

"Your biggest challenge isn't someone else. It's the ache in your lungs and the burning in your
legs, and the voice inside you that yells 'CAN'T", but you don't listen. You just push harder. And
then you hear the voice whisper 'can'. And you discover that the person you thought you were
is no match for the one you really are."

It's not PMS.
I JUST had my period.
I am just SO. CRANKY.
I wanted to THROW something because there wasn't ink in the
printer.
So I go to Target, and think "hey, I've been running, I feel good, lemme
try on some jeans"
PUNCH ME IN THE FACE
not. a. good. idea.

Fine. So I found 5 pairs of underwear and printer ink, used dad's "in case of emergency"  credit card and came home.

got in my jammies. went to the fridge.

a whole thing of left over wings. from josie's.

STariNG ME In tHE fAce

medium garlic.

grrrrrrrr.

lemonade.

I havent been updating here recently, but I HAVE been updating. It's all on my running journal, readysetrun1. My running and working out has been taking up a lot of my life, so I've been posting there more recently.

In good news: I just took my measurements, and EVERYTHING has gone down since the last time I took them, so thats encouraging.
In life news: Sarah and I are great, my friends are great, old and new.
Leo and Missy are wonderful.
My camera isn't broken like I thought it was.
The Steelers play today
The Knights won last night.
We GOTTA find a girl for Lexi. She's too awesome to not have someone.

Thats all. Check the running blog for updates on the training. :)

I started a new journal, the user name is readysetrun1

Check it out... add as a friend...or however it goes.

It's my journal that is documenting my training for my marathon, and I'm gonna need all the help and support I can get.

If you read my normal journal, I'd love for you to be a part of this one.

13.1 miles...in 12 weeks...

Here goes nothing :)

Sooo.... I want to box.

How fun would that be?! And my dream would for me to discover that I'm meant to be a world champion boxer... lol...okay maybe not, but it'd be cool if I really got into it. It'd be a fun way to work out!

I'll keep you updated, but I totally wanna do it :)

 

this was in my head. i tried to convince myself to go to sleep, but i know I'd forget it all in the morning. Let me know what you think...

He was lonely and desperate and scared

He was out of options.

Things couldn’t any worse.

And then he saw her. 



 It was love at fist sight

Everything about her intrigued him

The way she lit up a room, the way everyone adored her.

The way she could dance like no one was watching.

The way she made everyone feel like they were the most important person in the world.


She was crazy beautiful, she was mysterious and carefree and

Breathtaking.

She had a way about her, and he couldn’t get enough

He wanted every piece of her. He wanted nothing more

Than to escape with her.  She was his answered prayer

His ticket out of here

His miracle drug.

She made him powerful. She made him strong.

from the moment she touched his lips, her essence shot through

him like lightning.  He was freezing and on fire

he was restless and at peace

he was solid and in a million different pieces.

Nothing else mattered.

It was him, and her, against the rest of the world.

Fuck everyone else. They'd never understand.
They'd never get it,
They'd never appreciate a bond like this.

They had each other, and the world faded around them

Together, they were invincible.

And just as quickly as she has consumed him

              She had destroyed him.

She told him lies, and played with his mind.

She built him up and knocked him down

                                                     And laughed the entire time.

She took everything that mattered to him

And threw it out the window.

She turned him into something he never thought he'd be.


She smelled of chaos and destruction

But even still, she was crazy beautiful and mysterious

And he couldn’t get away.

He believed her when she lied

Over and over and over.

He said he was done, but it was only a matter

Of time before he found himself consumed in

Everything that she was.

He was nothing without her.

    And he is out of options

We're baaaaaaack :)







On a scale of 1 to 10, I rate the cruise at a 6.5, only because we're super spoiled and cruised on the biggest, newest boat the last time we went on a vacation. We knew it was going to be a bit of a downgrade, but there were a lot of really good things! Getting on the ship was a breeze, the muster drill was easy, since it was a smaller boat, there were shorter lines and smaller crowds, so that was good. There was only one pool, which was a little disappointing, but there were plenty of seats around it to lay out and get some sun. The shows were good, the food was decent, and we LOOOOOOVED our excursions (snorkeling on a shipwreck and swimming with dolphins!)


and....bonus...I didn't get my period til the last day!! ( The pictures.... )

Anytime you're going on a hot date
or found a cute white dress to wear to a party
or wanna wear a sexy outfit on Halloween
or you go on vacation
or you're stuck somewhere with only men...

you get your period.

BUTTT, when it's 5 days til the cruise, and you're hoping and wishing and PRAYING that your uterus will start to tear, it doesn't.

Mine only lasts 3 days, so if I get it on or before Friday, I'm good to go.

Anyone have any advice on making your period come sooner, (besides having sex.. we've got that covered) I'm due like... soon, probably on Monday or Tuesday. Ughhh!!!

7 months ago we booked our cruise.
and in 7 days, we'll be on  it.

I go back and forth, between being super happy and super worried.
Super happy because, duh, its a cruise
Super worried because I had 7 months to feel better about myself
and lose weight
and i did, then gained it back, lost it, felt great, and gained it back.
up and down... up and down.
and I'm not even doing stupid yo yo diets. I ate well and worked out.
Then I had a party weekend, or a few days of not feeling like
working out, and I'm back to sqaure one.
Just a week ago I was feeling good, my clothes fit better
I wasn't as self conscious, Sarah could TOTALLY tell a difference in my mood.

And then we went shopping yesterday (cue the punch to the face)

*sigh* I know it's really too late now to do anything, and even a week of being perfect won't
change much, but I'll feel better, and it'll put me in a happier mind set for the cruise.

I had 7 months. and I could be like, wham bam thank you ma'am by now.
and I'm not.

But..I'm not giving up. I just have to get back on track, do my best for the next
7 days, and then enjoy the cruise.

We're babysitting Emma, and I'm feeling super maternal. I want a baaayyybeeee....

It doesn't help that she is so cute, and so well behaved and so smart either. And her little clothes and little crib and little laugh are to die for. And watching Sarah with Emma just melts my heart. She is SO good with her, and Emma loves her. Even watching Sarah put her into her crib for night night was so sweet. Sarah and I are such a good team, and I know we'd make good parents.

I know it's not always this easy, and I know sometimes it's really really hard and really really stressful. But I think the good outweighs the bad in the long run. And I love that her parents don't talk baby talk to her, or dumb anything down. They talk to her like she is an adult, with reasons and in a conversational tone. There is no "Emma want outside?"   No.. it's "Hey, Emma, do you wanna go outside or do you wanna stay in here and watch Dora the Explorer?"  She may not have all the right words to communicate, but she understands, and she'll let you know what she wants.

We go back and forth about having a baby all the time. Sometimes we want one, and other times we realize how much we love our lives, and think dogs would be fine for us. I mean, with a baby you can't tell it to kennel up and leave it for 6 hours. A baby is a forever thing. And, we also realize that we're still young, and we have plenty of time. And, if and when we decide to add little Hayden Grace to our family (yes, we've already picked out her name,,,) we want to have lived a little, have steady jobs, a nice house, and all the means to raise a happy and healthy little person.

But, for now I'll just watch Emma sleeping on the baby monitor, and think about all the fun stuff we'll get to do with her tomorrow.

( Don't click if you're my good friend and hearing about our sex life will freak you out.... )

Soooooo cute :)

We went out on the boat today. The weather sucked before and after, but during the boat trip, the sky was blue, it was hot, and it was PERFECT for boating.

Here are some pictures....

( Fun in the sun )

Ya know what is really awesome?

That EVERY Friday when I come into the office, Bev reminds me that she's lost 27 pounds, and she's down 2 sizes, and "I see on your myspace status messages that you're trying to lose weight, so...."

so..... what? Why are you bragging to me that you lost 27 pounds in a matter of weeks? And THEN say its because you stopped drinking mountain dew.

You forgot to mention that you do heroin, and that plays a big part.

But let's all talk about how skinny Bev is getting. Yay.

Meanwhile, I'm here busting my ass and losing a pound a week.

Annnnnd.... in walks Karl. And everyone says "God you look good! you look really good, you're skinny too! Wowwww....!"

Ugh. So annoying.

So... Karl hasn't been on Zanax this whole time, it's been Heroin.

When Bev told me this last week, she acted like she just found out, and she was so shocked and couldn't believe it. Lied straight to Yvonne's face when she asked her if she knew about it before.

Then Karl ratted her out, she does it too.

No..wait...

Luke, Karl's 2 year old son, was found wandering the streets a week ago, got BLOCKS from the house, and neighbors had to call the cops.

Bev and Karl was too fucked up on heroin to notice he was gone.

They. make. me. sick

Dad says it's only a matter of time before he and Yvonne are raising Luke.

And what makes it worse, Megan KNOWS Bev and Karl are doing heroin with Luke there, and would rather him live there than with her, because it interferes with HER life.

I don't even wanna go in there on Friday. I can't even stomach to look at them.

They are all a waste of space.

Love doesn't even BEGIN to explain it.

Gosh....
I've been really bad at updating, but there has been so much worth updating about! I still haven't talked about my trip to the ER! I'll get to that later, in more recent news, Sarah and I were verbally attacked at the Hard Rock on Sunday night.

Yeah.

We were there to see my friend Nicole play her guitar and sing by the pool, had a few drinks, shared some nachos, and hung out.  A lady came running up to the table next to us, looking very worried. I told Sarah to go find out if there was anything we could do. So Sarah approches the lady, and finds out that she's missing her 7 year old daughter. Sarah asks her what her daughters name is, goes up to Nicole and has her call for Olivia over the microphone. A few minutes later, Olivia is found, safe and sound. (this part of the story comes up later on....)

So the night continues I sat next to Sarah, she had her arm around my shoulder. At one point, she was whispering in my ear in a very low voice, and it tickled. I was giggeling, she was laughing, we were just playing around. Then this guy approaches.
"How long are you two planning on being here?" he asks.  He is standing, not kidding, a foot from my face.
" A little while. Our friend is playing and...."
"Well, listen here. I've got 4 little girls, and THIS, this is very confusing to them. I don't care what you do behind closed doors, but this is a family place, there are tons of kids, and this is not the place. I get it, you're young, but do you see me and my wife doin stuff like this? I didn't think so"
Sarah stares at him the whole time. "Who the HELL do you think you are?"
He steps even closer, and says "If I have to come over again, I'm not going to be as nice. Do you UNDERSTAND?"
I look away, and Sarah says "We're not doing anything wrong."
"SO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT I'M SAYING?"
"No..I under..."
"Good." and he walks away.

I do all I can to hold in the tears til he walks away. My first thought is to get up and leave, but then I realize if I do, he wins. So Sarah keeps her arm around me, and grabs the manager as he walks by. He kneels down, listens, and tells us he doesn't have a problem at all with us being there, and that he is entitled to his opinion, but we're all cohabitating here, and he doesn't have to like it but he does have to respect us. And he has NO right to make us feel uncomfortable or threatened. We found out later that he comped our whole meal.

It wasn't until the end, when we were leaving, that I hear him yell "LESBIANS". I turn my head, and there is the guy, who is Olivia's dad, Olivia, and her mom, all looking at us.

Sarah grabbed my hand and we left. Then,of course, we thought and talked about all the things we shoulda, coulda, woulda said. And it really took a toll on us for the rest of the night. I had a headache, her stomach hurt. It just wasn't fun.

But, we decided that if we dwell on it, he wins. So we just decided to let it go.
We don't get reactions like that very often, it's really only the second time anyone has ever said anything.

*sigh*
Oh well... one day Olivia will bring home a girlfriend. Karma's a bitch.

Jupiter was amazing, as always. For the first time in a year and a half, all of Sarah's sibings were together. This made her parents verrry happy, and we had such a great weekend. We went out on the boat Friday and Saturday. We took the boat out into the ocean, which was a big deal fro me because I'm SO SCARED of everything that is the ocean. So we find a spot that is sooooo clear, you can literally see the bottom, which is the ONLY reason I faced my fear and got in. They attached a rope to the boat, and called it my "comfort rope" and i didn't let go of that thing ONCE. It was only AFTER we got back in the boat that someone told me the reason that Tony and Dave were swimming around the outside of our big group was because they had seen not one, but TWO effing SHARKS. Yeah... sharks. One was a nurse shark, and they said they are bottom feeders and wouldn't do anything, but really? I was in the ocean with sharks!! I was glad nobody told me til after, and I trust her family with my life and know they wouldn't put me in a dangerous situation. We hung out at the sand bar, found sea urchins and crabs, and just hung out. It was a BEAUTIFUL weekend, and we had a great time!
( This is what facing a fear looks like )

lots to say...
twins
universal
a trip to the ER
Jupiter
sharks
karl and bev
father's day
sea world

annnd...lots of pictures to go along with most of those things.

but, we're going to dinner first.   I'll post when we get home.

The wife and I went to Disney for Gay Day on Saturday. It was fun! Disney's kinda boring now though, especially Magic Kingdom. Everything there is for little kids, so we mainly just people watched.
( Gay Days! )



And...in other news, our very own ORLANDO MAGIC made it to the finals! Dad took me to the game, it was good bonding time:)
( Goooooo Magic! )



Us.. again..at Universal Studios. We take for granted how lucky we are to be able to just wake up and decide to go to a theme park. Some people wait and dream and save their whole lives to go to some of these places, and we just go when we have nothing else to do.

( Universal Studios )

And then there was Sea World... ( Baby whales :) )

He's not a dog. He is a real boy. There is nothing "dog" about him. He knows he is just as human as we are, which is why, on long drives, he sleeps in the front seat, on my lap. 


My son.